Can't change her

My Mother is a good person, she loves me and has done a lot for me when I was growing up but everytime I see her there is one thing that makes me feel nervous and sick because I know that she is going to mention and point these things out. Ever since I can remember my mum has had huge issues with my physical appearance, weighing me when I go to visit, pulling my clothes, if other people are around she points out the things that she doesnt like about me to them so that I will be embarrassed, that sort of thing.

As a teenager it upset me to the point where I just wouldnt eat anything for days at a time, would obsess over my hair and clothes and how I looked even when I got up in the morning because she might see me and not like it. Now that I am out on my own, I still find that when I go and see her I have a few moments of panick before I get out of my car and walk in to see her, I wont eat or drink anything while I am there, I always wear new clothes and I always make sure my hair is in place, yet I wouldnt do this for anyone else. Im almost 21, and I am terrified of my own mother. She never hit me or was horrible to me, she just looks at me like she wishes I was somebody else, and it breaks my heart.

The hard part is I cant stop feeling like this untill she stops doing these things. I have tried to ignore them, I have tried to get angry and tell her I dont like it, and I have even tried just not going to see her. But she is my Mother. I want her to understand that there is more to me than my appearance, and there is more to her than her's. I don't want her doing this to me anymore, or anyone else. But what can I say?

I know many of my friends have issues with their Mother's doing the same thing to them, but the sad part is many of them go on and say things to me and to other people because it makes them feel better about themselves to do that, and I just cant understand it. I am probably not the only one who has sat listening to my Mother picking out all the things she wished I was not and thought "I will never ever do that to my own child". I wish my Mother could see that I am worth more than what I am wearing, and I wish she could love me because I am her daughter, if my own mother cant love me for who I am, who in the world can?