Remembering Women

Today I got in the car in the pouring rain and sat in the drivers seat wondering where shall I go? It's the first whole day off I have had in a while and with all my friend's back at university I really was at a loss for what to do today. So I decided to drive out to the country to visit my Nana's grave to say goodbye before I leave to Canada in a few week's. I hadn't visited her there in a long time and as I drove out there I was thinking about her the whole time. And it made me think how sad it is the way we remember people. She died when I was 12 years old, after a long battle with cancer. I remember how much everyone at the funeral kept saying what a great wife and mother she was, and how nice she was, and thinking they were right, but also that they are all forgetting what an amazing Woman she was and how those things they all were saying did not do her justice.

I remember the way her eye's looked when she smiled, and how she would play chinese checkers with me for hours when I was sick, and how she would let me put on all of her jewelery and we would sit for hour's side by side at the piano, I even remember how she smelled. At 12, it didnt hit me how important these things would be to me when I got older and as I started to define myself as a person. And it occured to me today how hard people make it for us to remember people, especially women who were mothers or wives, when they pass away and how much emphasis is put on what a great job they did at those jobs. Thinking about this, I found myself getting quite annoyed. Sure those are very important things, and it is wonderful that there are mothers out there who are so dearly loved for what they did for their children, but what about all the other things?

My Nana was also a traveller, was in the New Zealand Airforce in the war, worked on a film in Fiji for a couple of year's, a sister, a friend, and the brightest star to her granddaughter. I want to remember women because of who they are, not by the role's they played in their home's, and this is how I remember my Nana.

As I wandered the rows and rows of flower covered grave stone's I thought about how much I really appreciate the women in my life, and how much I enjoy it here at the AGA. I have never met almost all of the people here, never seen your face's, have no idea what role you play in your family, but yet I get to read your writing which comes straight from you, your thought's and opinions and that is how I remember all of you. I wish women in my community offline could appreciate all those little things about each other that we really cherish here.

I finally reached my Nana's grave, the small stone was bare, no flowers or cards, no sign of anyone visitng for a long while, so as I sat with her there trying to scrape away the moss from around her name with my fingernail's, I discussed all of the above thought's with my Nana with many tears rolling down my cheeks with the rain, and I promised her I would write this when I got home, so here it is.