Will it be different?

I have had an an odd relationship with (who once was) my best friend since we met. We met when we were like 7, because she was new at school and I was assigned to show her around and be her friend. It worked, we became inseparable. We grew up together, both of us had big issues at home, I never really told her any of mine, but she knew I had some, where she told me everything and often we would escape to the park or library and not come home for hours after dark. I lived with her for a while, with her and her boyfriend, and my boyfriend Nick who stayed with us often but didn’t actually live with us, this is where things went wrong. One of my first posts here at the AGA was about my escaping that house. I remember being so glad to leave and be safe and away from all of those people. Then I went to Canada and to Asia and decided to come back to New Zealand and go back to school, and being back in my old city lead me to meeting up with my friend again.

It was so different this time than when I left. When I had to move out of that house it was after telling her about my abuse, telling her how my boyfriend treated me, and even having her and her boyfriend witness him hitting me on more than one occasion and still believing that it was all my fault, even when I begged her to believe me. Now we see each other a couple of times a week, and so far everything has been great, she believes what happened to me, but we agreed to not talk about any of it as it seems to cause problems between us, which is fine. I'm scared though. They need someone to move in to help pay rent, and I desperately need to move out of my mother’s house, so she asked me if I want to crash there for a while. This scares me, I want to, I mean it makes sense, and my boyfriend is long gone so we don’t have that in between us again, but then I read my old posts about how terrible I felt living there and it makes me feel sick.

I don't know what to do. People can change and relationships can change, right? Maybe when I went away for a year and didn’t talk to her she really thought about some things that went wrong last time. It would be a good out of my Mum's house, but I am scared. I don't have the best track history of making decisions that really are good for me, and keep me safe. I am so torn.