counseling

Letting go

Today I got in touch with my counsellor again. Yes, me who is SO done with counselling finished forever and never to go back, yeah right. Apparently everyone but me was expecting this to happen.

I decided that the more I am travelling and seeing in the world, the more I realise how absolutely out of control sexual violence is. And I guess I realised that I am not the only person in the world who it happened to, and am also not the only person who feels ashamed that it takes SO much time and SO much help to rebuild some kind of normal life in the aftermath of abuse, whatever normal even means.

Why should I...?

Yesterday I finally made the appointment and went back to see my counselor to talk about everything that has been going on lately with me and with the man who hurt me. I had not been very thrilled with the thought of going back to counseling to be honest. I do like my counselor a lot, and she has been a great help in this whole thing, but opening up to someone after so many years of this all being a huge huge secret, sometimes just gets way too big for me. But at the same time, when I walk out of her office at the end of the session, I feel like I am leaving a little part of the hurt behind, which I never have to talk about again unless I want to, and I guess it's that feeling which makes me go back.

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