personal

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I made my choice: for that, I'm sorry

Today I dropped the charges against my rapist. I just can't deal with all of that right now. I know I have let alot of you down by doing this, and for that I feel terrible, and I am sorry.

I did it because I he has moved now, he has gone, and it's over. I didn't want revenge on him, I just wanted it to be over for good. It was in no way the easiest option to take, I didnt do it because I thought it would fix everything straight away. I know better than that. But I do understand that my decision has let many people down, who wanted me to win this. I never wanted to do that, and I'm sorry.

The calm before the storm

It has been such a long time since I could go to bed feeling so safe, that now that I have that security, that knowledge that I am safe, I don’t know what to do with it. How, after all that time do I just close my eyes and know no one will be waiting for me to do so. For me to be so stupid, so lazy in protecting myself, closing both of my eyes and letting my guard down for even a second, feels not only luxurious, but also very very dangerous. I trained myself to be constantly aware of what is going on around me at all times of the day and night. I hear every little noise, I hear the sea, I hear car doors shutting quietly, I hear the wind pick up ever so slightly and each time it does, I look toward my bedroom door.

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